Just a little poem to begin with but turns into a bit more. not sure how correct it is, as I have reviewed it a few times now, and continually find errors with things I am saying here. Hahaha.. Just like me to overly analyze myself. :) But it is what it is... a reflection of sorts.
Who am I?
I will stop being defined by those around me
I am free to be who I was created to be
who is that? Lord won't you teach me?
I am being molded, shaped and changed
Moment after moment
Some steps are easy, others are hard,
But I find such beauty in getting to know
me.
Me. The one I have hidden from so long and denied
In efforts to be a better person, to serve others
I have lost my own desire
I have drowned out the sounds of my wild spirit
Trying to control with my hands what was
within me burning...within me bursting forth
The love.
Often rejected by the ways I express it, however embraced by the needy, lonely, hurting and rejected.
The cross.
I want to take my cross. I want to be His bride. He has promised to be my Saviour, and He has told me to need him. He has told me that it is okay for me to need Him and that none of my needs are too big for him. He has told me to stop hiding my needs and trying to live in such a way that it is impossible to live.
I can find peace.
Peace in knowing that He is my shelter and that He does not push me away. He does not regret loving me...EVER... and I can be sure and secure of His love. Because HE will never NEVER abandon me!!!
You who are with me...who also believe...we are the body of Christ. He died so that we might live. He is not willing for us to die, but has promised us life.
Eternal life.
What a word. Whatever unhappiness we had in our flesh, he has taken and given us joy and freedom. I like being able to dance like a baby.
Discipline.
My lack of it has bit me in the face, and caused me to feel yucky. Discipline is an important part of my daily life. An important part of what I do on the mission field. taking care of my physical body is also important for not only now, but the years to come. I believe that if I am to feel wholesome, I must take care of my body by eating right and excercising frequently.
These are all important things. Things I have not yet conquered control over. Areas in which I long to grow.
For it is in the deepest desires of my heart to be close to Jesus, who has delivered me from all evil and has held me up in His arms. He has protected me time and time again, when I have acted from my heart instead of my head.
We cannot deny the needs of the poor, the broken, the addicted, however Jesus has given us wisdom in how we approach their needs and it is my desire and passion to share the love of Jesus, although I might get dirty.
"Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" Matt. 5:3
"Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues and preaching the good news of the kingdom as well as healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, becuase they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, "The harves is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the Harves, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field." (Matt. 9:35-38)
God has been so good and I have endless accounts that I can share with you about things He has taught me. I will have to save another story for another day... but just ask my father. hahaha :)
With sincere love.
Joanna :)
Friday, May 23, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
During my two week break, I went to visit my friend Katherine who lives in Cartago. May 1st, their labor day, her mother got off work, and we all visited "the Chayote Fair" "Feria de Chayote" (which my camera died, unfortunately) and we visited the ruins of this Catholic church which is one of three that were destroyed in earthquakes "terramotos" It is an important part of the history of Cartago, Costa Rica.
I got totally made over. I finally decided I was going to die my hair and so my friend from Venezuela did it for me, and then we straightened it. She also does makeup excellent...so we had fun. Since then... well, is a different story. NO WAY am I showing you the before picture we took. hahahaha !!!!
"I love you. I want you. I am jealous for all of your love."....journaled may 10.
Today is already May 10th and I can hardly believe it. The time is flying so fast. I have been in Costa Rica for four months now. I am so tired because I have been working in every fiber of my being: physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.
I have seen some very great successes in these past couple of weeks, and I praise God for those victories. We had a great turn out last Saturday for the L3 meetings, and I praise God because lives were impacted and three people got saved that night. I am sure that others left with food to chew and new perspectives that they had not had before about Christians. The whole purpose of the night was to draw in the unbeliever and join together with them in a show of talents. It was incredible. We had a group of bikers who were unsaved, and some fire-breathing antics with another unsaved group. We also had two outside Christian singers, a “worship” band, musicians, drama, and choreography. We also had artists in our young people who drew incredible things on the walls, we did graffiti, and it was an all out party. We also re-arranged the sanctuary in such a way that it would be like a circle. The congregation on Sunday morning was a bit shocked I am sure at the condition of the church, because we kept it the same so that they could see it.
Although we passed out invitations for a few hours the day of, my critique is that it may not have been enough time for many people to come. I feel that it was a bit too ambiguous for many and that while they expressed half-hearted interest, they couldn’t actually come. However, if we had been out there a different day as well as the day of, I feel it possibly could have been more effective. The thought of the others was that doing it the day of was the best, because it gave people just enough time to remember about it and not forget when it was. We had a blast.
The last Sunday of April, we had a special “Pirate” theme Sunday for the kids. As most of you know, I am a part of a team that does a special outreach one Sunday a month to the kids of Curri. It was extremely successful. In it we had a big pirate ship, three classrooms transformed into cabins of the ship. We all dressed up in Pirate gear and we played pirate like games. We had a map in which they had to pin flags on the X marked on it. It was like pin the tail on the donkey. We also had many decorations that we spent hours working on. I told a lesson about pirates and finding treasure. And we learned the verse about Guarding your Heart. I also talked about the most important treasure ever, which is having a relationship with Jesus! And how no one had the ability to take that away from us.
Monday, May 5th we started up classes again. This week has been all about Missiology. We have reviewed the Indigenous church model which makes every effort to keep the church run by national people. This is important so that there does not become a reliance on the missionary, but rather the people are being trained so that they can grow in their faith and they can have ownership of the church. We have talked about many things in regards to what our goal is as missionaries in proclaiming the good news and as we say in the Assemblies of God, the FULL gospel. This implies that we are centered on Christ and bringing him to all people by means of the Spirit of God working within us. It is through the power of the baptism of the Holy Spirit that we are blessed to see people come to Christ, but on our own we recognize that we are weak. We talked about the problems that can happen when we start to try to do things in our own strength and forget to rely on prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit at work in us. This is often how burn out and different kinds of moral failure happen, because people get disconnected from the source of all which is Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit whom he has sent as our Advocate and our Comforter.
It has been enriching and convicting to have this class.
Sometimes when we follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, he takes us places we don’t desire to go or that may seem insignificant to ourselves or others, but the important thing is that we are following His call. When we lose sight or hearing of His voice, is when we start to get off track.
Today I pick up a team of construction workers who are here to help with the Bible school construction. It is so very exciting to be a part of what God is doing! I will be with the team on Saturday and Sunday and we will be doing an outreach concert on Saturday night, and doing a service on Sunday morning in a little village. The construction guys will give testimonials and I will look forward to this!
As you can hear, I have been incredibly busy, and I am praise God for every opportunity he has given me. I pray that I will be able to be faithful to share his word. My prayers are out to you back home because I believe God is going to begin a new work in you and that we have barely tapped into our potential as a church. It is amazing the kind of outreach we can do, if we are just faithful. It doesn’t mean we will always see great results but we cannot measure those results with human eyes because the Spirit sees something completely different than we do.
MY BATTLE
As you all know. I am a very relational person, and relationships are important to me. Herein lies my weakness. I have been battling some loneliness, but at the same time, I feel ashamed of this need I have. God has always blessed me with many friends, and I love them so very much.
I have been fighting, however, and I have lost some of the battles. I desire to have a relationship one day that is pure and holy. I desire to have the relationship that is right for me. However, this only comes through fighting and prayer because there are all kinds of opportunities for the wrong relationships. Although this should be only secondary right now, because I am focused on many other things in my life, and I have committed not to date for the next couple of years, I find myself yearning for the right person. I see children and can't help noticing how much they look like their parents, I sit at home and cook for myself, iron for myself, and I simply struggle from time to time...in the times of quiet.
Please pray for me that I will trust God, and not be afraid of what he may be telling me. One of the most important things for me right now is discernment and focus. Pray that I will put such thoughts out of my mind, because I know that I can trust God who knows the desires and seasons of the heart. He knows my ways. Please pray that I will grow in Him and in His desires for me and in His understanding!
Sometimes our dreams must die, in order to find life and grow into something beautiful.
I am sure every young single woman has to deal with this on occasion, but the most important thing to me is my relationship with Jesus. He is the greatest passion of my heart. I struggle with the tensions of these two things. Because I feel that if he is truly my greatest passion, then marriage should dwindle, rather it is still strong. Other single missionaries struggle with this tension as well, and I ask you to pray for us. We are called, and God loves us so much. He is our husbandman and best friend.
God is faithful and good. His love never fails and I am forever grateful for who He is. I need him every day and I am thankful that He can be strong where I am weak. I acknowledge that I have not handled this desire with perfection.
If he can use me…one of the least of these…friend, He can use you. All it takes is a willing vessel and a willing heart.
God would say to you..."I love you. I want you. I am jealous for all of your love." I know He says this to you. He told me that. It was so beautiful and I felt His presence and I could barely breathe.
I have seen some very great successes in these past couple of weeks, and I praise God for those victories. We had a great turn out last Saturday for the L3 meetings, and I praise God because lives were impacted and three people got saved that night. I am sure that others left with food to chew and new perspectives that they had not had before about Christians. The whole purpose of the night was to draw in the unbeliever and join together with them in a show of talents. It was incredible. We had a group of bikers who were unsaved, and some fire-breathing antics with another unsaved group. We also had two outside Christian singers, a “worship” band, musicians, drama, and choreography. We also had artists in our young people who drew incredible things on the walls, we did graffiti, and it was an all out party. We also re-arranged the sanctuary in such a way that it would be like a circle. The congregation on Sunday morning was a bit shocked I am sure at the condition of the church, because we kept it the same so that they could see it.
Although we passed out invitations for a few hours the day of, my critique is that it may not have been enough time for many people to come. I feel that it was a bit too ambiguous for many and that while they expressed half-hearted interest, they couldn’t actually come. However, if we had been out there a different day as well as the day of, I feel it possibly could have been more effective. The thought of the others was that doing it the day of was the best, because it gave people just enough time to remember about it and not forget when it was. We had a blast.
The last Sunday of April, we had a special “Pirate” theme Sunday for the kids. As most of you know, I am a part of a team that does a special outreach one Sunday a month to the kids of Curri. It was extremely successful. In it we had a big pirate ship, three classrooms transformed into cabins of the ship. We all dressed up in Pirate gear and we played pirate like games. We had a map in which they had to pin flags on the X marked on it. It was like pin the tail on the donkey. We also had many decorations that we spent hours working on. I told a lesson about pirates and finding treasure. And we learned the verse about Guarding your Heart. I also talked about the most important treasure ever, which is having a relationship with Jesus! And how no one had the ability to take that away from us.
Monday, May 5th we started up classes again. This week has been all about Missiology. We have reviewed the Indigenous church model which makes every effort to keep the church run by national people. This is important so that there does not become a reliance on the missionary, but rather the people are being trained so that they can grow in their faith and they can have ownership of the church. We have talked about many things in regards to what our goal is as missionaries in proclaiming the good news and as we say in the Assemblies of God, the FULL gospel. This implies that we are centered on Christ and bringing him to all people by means of the Spirit of God working within us. It is through the power of the baptism of the Holy Spirit that we are blessed to see people come to Christ, but on our own we recognize that we are weak. We talked about the problems that can happen when we start to try to do things in our own strength and forget to rely on prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit at work in us. This is often how burn out and different kinds of moral failure happen, because people get disconnected from the source of all which is Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit whom he has sent as our Advocate and our Comforter.
It has been enriching and convicting to have this class.
Sometimes when we follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, he takes us places we don’t desire to go or that may seem insignificant to ourselves or others, but the important thing is that we are following His call. When we lose sight or hearing of His voice, is when we start to get off track.
Today I pick up a team of construction workers who are here to help with the Bible school construction. It is so very exciting to be a part of what God is doing! I will be with the team on Saturday and Sunday and we will be doing an outreach concert on Saturday night, and doing a service on Sunday morning in a little village. The construction guys will give testimonials and I will look forward to this!
As you can hear, I have been incredibly busy, and I am praise God for every opportunity he has given me. I pray that I will be able to be faithful to share his word. My prayers are out to you back home because I believe God is going to begin a new work in you and that we have barely tapped into our potential as a church. It is amazing the kind of outreach we can do, if we are just faithful. It doesn’t mean we will always see great results but we cannot measure those results with human eyes because the Spirit sees something completely different than we do.
MY BATTLE
As you all know. I am a very relational person, and relationships are important to me. Herein lies my weakness. I have been battling some loneliness, but at the same time, I feel ashamed of this need I have. God has always blessed me with many friends, and I love them so very much.
I have been fighting, however, and I have lost some of the battles. I desire to have a relationship one day that is pure and holy. I desire to have the relationship that is right for me. However, this only comes through fighting and prayer because there are all kinds of opportunities for the wrong relationships. Although this should be only secondary right now, because I am focused on many other things in my life, and I have committed not to date for the next couple of years, I find myself yearning for the right person. I see children and can't help noticing how much they look like their parents, I sit at home and cook for myself, iron for myself, and I simply struggle from time to time...in the times of quiet.
Please pray for me that I will trust God, and not be afraid of what he may be telling me. One of the most important things for me right now is discernment and focus. Pray that I will put such thoughts out of my mind, because I know that I can trust God who knows the desires and seasons of the heart. He knows my ways. Please pray that I will grow in Him and in His desires for me and in His understanding!
Sometimes our dreams must die, in order to find life and grow into something beautiful.
I am sure every young single woman has to deal with this on occasion, but the most important thing to me is my relationship with Jesus. He is the greatest passion of my heart. I struggle with the tensions of these two things. Because I feel that if he is truly my greatest passion, then marriage should dwindle, rather it is still strong. Other single missionaries struggle with this tension as well, and I ask you to pray for us. We are called, and God loves us so much. He is our husbandman and best friend.
God is faithful and good. His love never fails and I am forever grateful for who He is. I need him every day and I am thankful that He can be strong where I am weak. I acknowledge that I have not handled this desire with perfection.
If he can use me…one of the least of these…friend, He can use you. All it takes is a willing vessel and a willing heart.
God would say to you..."I love you. I want you. I am jealous for all of your love." I know He says this to you. He told me that. It was so beautiful and I felt His presence and I could barely breathe.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
?Donde esta tu tesoro?
"Donde esta tu tesoro" means "Where is your treasure" and it is a song that I was using for a very special Sunday school that we had on Sunday, April 27th.
We worked so hard, and the kids absolutely loved it! I wrote the lesson about a special treasure from many years ago, and a family's discovery of the most important kind of treasure we have.
It was all in Spanish and it was so fun, but hard work! This Sunday we did something really special. We painted a HUGE ship on the outside of the classrooms and in three classrooms we had different cabins of the pirate ship. We drew anchors, bones, a skull, and gold of course as well as had a ship steering wheel and a map to find treasure.
The kids learned a verse in Proverbs 4:23 that says, "Above all things that you guard, guard your heart, for from it spring the waters of life."
It was a huge adventure for the kids, and alas, my lesson was more or less a success. I was so nervous about my Spanish, but they understood pretty well and I was impressed that they got the concept.
The concept was that we can be ambitious towards many things, but love and family are much more important.
Also, the Bible says that we should store up our treasure in heaven. When we devote our lives to helping out each other, we can find true joy and happiness, and this is the will of God. There is greater treasure than any one can buy in our love for one another.
My greatest treasure is found in God. I have the most intimate relationship with Him and His Spirit leads me into everything that is good and true. I couldn't ask for a better friend or leader.
I have found that God is devoted to me. He has hidden His treasure deep within me and is devoted to shaping and molding me in such a way that I experience Him fully.
I encourage all of my readers: Devote some time to seeking after this God. He will build your character and change your life. Lately He has been strengthening me in so many ways, and as I have been working doing things for others, I find He (God) is doing things for me! Incredible!
How true it is what He says in 1 John:
"This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us: and sent His Son to be a sacrifice for our sin."
Some one may ask why this needed to happen? But I can see how imperfect I am. I know that I am not worthy to inherit the kingdom of heaven, but for His love and His sacrifice,
I was made an heir of the kingdom of God!!! A child of a King!
?Donde esta tu tesoro? Where is your treasure?
We worked so hard, and the kids absolutely loved it! I wrote the lesson about a special treasure from many years ago, and a family's discovery of the most important kind of treasure we have.
It was all in Spanish and it was so fun, but hard work! This Sunday we did something really special. We painted a HUGE ship on the outside of the classrooms and in three classrooms we had different cabins of the pirate ship. We drew anchors, bones, a skull, and gold of course as well as had a ship steering wheel and a map to find treasure.
The kids learned a verse in Proverbs 4:23 that says, "Above all things that you guard, guard your heart, for from it spring the waters of life."
It was a huge adventure for the kids, and alas, my lesson was more or less a success. I was so nervous about my Spanish, but they understood pretty well and I was impressed that they got the concept.
The concept was that we can be ambitious towards many things, but love and family are much more important.
Also, the Bible says that we should store up our treasure in heaven. When we devote our lives to helping out each other, we can find true joy and happiness, and this is the will of God. There is greater treasure than any one can buy in our love for one another.
My greatest treasure is found in God. I have the most intimate relationship with Him and His Spirit leads me into everything that is good and true. I couldn't ask for a better friend or leader.
I have found that God is devoted to me. He has hidden His treasure deep within me and is devoted to shaping and molding me in such a way that I experience Him fully.
I encourage all of my readers: Devote some time to seeking after this God. He will build your character and change your life. Lately He has been strengthening me in so many ways, and as I have been working doing things for others, I find He (God) is doing things for me! Incredible!
How true it is what He says in 1 John:
"This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us: and sent His Son to be a sacrifice for our sin."
Some one may ask why this needed to happen? But I can see how imperfect I am. I know that I am not worthy to inherit the kingdom of heaven, but for His love and His sacrifice,
I was made an heir of the kingdom of God!!! A child of a King!
?Donde esta tu tesoro? Where is your treasure?
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